There’s a joke about a woman who stopped off at a bar on her way home from work. While waiting for her drink, she noticed a very handsome man who was eyeing her seductively sitting across the bar from her. He winked, got up, and went over to her side of the bar. When he reached her, he smiled, leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I’ll do anything you want me to do. Anything! I’ll fulfill your wildest fantasies for only $50. There’s just one condition . . . You have to tell me what you want me to do using just three words.”

The woman, sat quietly for a moment. Then she reached into her purse and pulled out a $50 bill. She wrapped the bill in a napkin and wrote her address on it. She pressed the napkin into the man’s waiting hand, leaned over, and whispered, “Clean my house.”

This joke came to mind when I read several different articles about sexuality this week.

The first article reported on how Proctor & Gamble is partnering with a Miami firm to develop a testosterone patch for women. Testosterone would slowly seep into the skin to boost sexual drive. Research has shown that women report increased libidinous activity when they are receiving additional testosterone. A cute response to the research supports the truism in the “clean my house” joke. A woman’s most potent aphrodisiac is when her mate pitches in with the house work.

The same article that talks about the testosterone patch also reports that the market for the patch is huge. Finding something to heighten women’s sexual desire is water-cooler talk in the workplace. The article goes on to say that anti-depressants, like Prozac, inhibit sexual desire.

I also read a book review of an updated edition of “The Joy of Sex” that will be published in January 2009. The original “Joy of Sex,” by Alex Comfort (who died in 2000), was published in 1972. It was written in the style of an “everything you wanted to know and then some” manual. Examples of chapter titles are “Sex on a Motorbike” and “Foursomes or Moresomes.” The author of the updated version edition, Susan Quilliam, kept some of the themes that Comfort wrote about, but has added more sections about relationships.

Comfort’s original book was written for a newly sexually liberated generation that treated sexuality like a candy store: there were so many goodies to taste and they were going to taste them all. What the generation didn’t know is that like eating too much candy, there’s a crash after the rush. Quilliam echoes my observation that young people today, still know nothing about the emotional power that sex has. Quilliam says that people don’t know how to “do” relationships. She also points out that according to the Kinsey Institute, women today are having less sex then women did in the 1950s, primarily because they have so little free time. Quilliam, who has been a sex educator for over 20 years, finds that what people really want is to learn how to “do” relationships; people want emotional connection.
Quilliam is expressing what I saw in the Human Sexuality class I taught. Young people know everything about the mechanics of sex, but they know nothing of sex’s emotional power. They don’t know how to “do” relationships.

It’s refreshing to see that among all the messages about sexual prowess and sustainability being the ultimate prize, that there’s a recognition of the need for emotional connection that sexuality can serve. So I applaud the women of the Miamimoms blog who know that the greatest aphrodisiac is care and concern.

I think we’re living in very exciting times. I think we’re finally ready to grow up sexually. There’s an aspect of the sex drive that’s driven by pure survival. As a species, however, the survival of our DNA is no longer dependent on passing along our genes to the next generation. The world is over populated. What’s needed on the planet now, is an exploration and understanding of caring and nurturing – learning how to “do” relationships, including sexual relationships, that contribute to a couple’s aliveness; that exalt the sacredness of each other’s Divinity.

My husband goes shopping, cooks, fixes things around the house, and takes care of our cars. He jokes, sometimes, that he’s henpecked. When he does that, I tell him that he loves it – and he really does. We both do, because we know that together we’re more than each of us is separately. That may sound like co-dependence, but I call it interdependence. We use our relationship as a laboratory for learning how to love more. Just this week, we were able to settle our ongoing disagreement about recycling. We came to a point, using non-violent communication skills, where we both heard and empathized with each other’s feelings and needs. The process took time, yet because our relationship is dedicated to growing in love, we know that spending time listening to each other nurtures both of us.

The sexual revolution freed people of my and the following generations to explore. But the sexual revolution, by itself, could not fill the higher longing that human beings have for connection to Source. That connection can only be found through the willingness to explore Love.

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky