My sister told me yesterday that she wants to have great sex for the rest of her life.
Her comment made me laugh. My sister does not fit the stereotype of postmenopausal women that’s broadcast in the news media. My sister is vibrant and dynamic.

The news reports portray women “of a certain age” having problems feeling sexually aroused. WEB MD ran a story about a 55+ women who was part of a clinical try studying the effectiveness of a testosterone patch. The theory is that increased testosterone will make women feel friskier. I don’t recall the story mentioning that increased testosterone also makes women hairier. Besides, women’s endogenous testosterone start rising after they’re 40.

Menopause is a time for both physical and psychological changes. The physical changes are a lot to deal with. They range from thinning hair and weak nails to vaginal dryness and vaginal shrinking. Other physical changes include more twitches and tweaks, as well as graying hair and deepening facial lines. When you combine all that with hot flashes, you can see why menopause represents massive change.

Psychological changes in menopause can either lead to personal growth or decline. For some women, menopause is a time of exhilaration. Women’s endogenous testosterone levels increase which adds drive. When I was in my 50s and running my own business, I used to wonder where my balls were coming from. I found that it was easier for me to speak my mind and ask for what I wanted.

Some women don’t feel more exhilarated at menopause. For these women, menopause is experienced as loss of their inner vixen. Psychologically, then there could be a dichotomy. On the one hand, there’s exhilaration at the recognition that, in the words of Donna Summer “I will survive,” and indeed I have; or, there’s a great sense of loss at no long being considered as a Babe!

And women at that time in life, whether they embrace exhilaration or feel a sense of loss, will determine the quality of the rest of their days. There’s exhilaration in knowing that “I finally know who I am and do not have to be hampered by the past.” For women who have not learned that they are more than just a Babe, menopause and the ensuing years can be very difficult.

To express what I’m trying to say simply: time weakens the body, but time can also strengthen the spirit. It’s the latter that creates the exhilaration of later life. Spirit is breath, spirit is life. The Hebrew word for spirit is Ruach and Ruach means breath.

And that’s why I admire my sister. She’s come to know here Spirit. She’s connected to the flow of Life within her. She’s more creative than she’s ever been having written a fictional chronicle of the life of a middle aged divorced Jewish woman. She goes dancing once a week. She has a lot of male friends. Once in a while she has a lover. And yes, she would like someone permanent in her life, but she’s not settling. She’s not desperate. She genuinely likes herself and that attitude communicates. The sexiest women in the world are those who are comfortable in their own skin.

I’ve found that joy and excitement are the keys to a healthy libido, even after menopause. The French use the term “joie d’vivre” or “joy of life” to describe that little extra bounce in your step as you go through your day.

How does one cultivate “joie d’vivre”? The field of Positive Psychology has researched the best techniques for learning how to be happier. One technique is to write down every night before going to bed three wonderful things that happened to you. Another technique is to write a gratitude letter to someone who has made a positive contribution to your life. My favorite technique is to get excited for someone else’s good fortune.

Mostly I believe what makes my sister sexy is her Faith. Faith is a word that’s bandied about a lot. To be a person of Faith has come to mean that you
1. Believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior
2. Want to do away with abortion
3. Think that God wants to punish gay people.

My sister’s faith is in the inherent knowledge that God’s nature is Love, and only Love. The more she turns on her “Love Light” the more love she is experiencing in her life. In a state of Love, there’s nothing to fear. There’s only vitality, joy, and health to embrace. And vitality, joy, and health are sexy!

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky