For Valentine’s Day, Larry bought me a box of biodegradable trash bags. His gift was very, very meaningful. We’d been fighting about my obsession to avoid bringing any plastics shopping bags into the house. Larry likes plastic garbage bags. They make it easier for him to carry home groceries. He finds paper bags to awkward to carry; and supermarket checkers load up the reusable bags so that they become too heavy. But I get angry when I see all the unused plastic piling up. Every once in a while my anger explodes. For me, saving the world is becoming a more urgent issue right now. To Larry, my asking him to change his way of shopping, particularly when the ways I’m suggesting are hurtful to him, is really my way of trying to control him and push him around. Of course, that is not my motivation, and I understand the origin of that perception. And, of course, Larry wants to help meet my need, even though he doesn’t understand it. And, so, we keep working on finding a peaceful solution to our differences.

Whenever Larry and I disagree about anything, I pray for peace. I pray that we find a consensus where both our needs get met: Larry’s need for comfort; and my need to help others. Of course, I value and want to meet Larry’s needs. Larry is my “heart, my soul and my inspiration” (to steal a lyric from the Righteous Brothers). So in praying for peace, I climb the vertical plane of my mind to get a large perspective of the situation. It’s like watching a parade from a helicopter. Flying above, you can see the whole parade unfold at the same time, but from ground level, you can only say the bands, dancers, and floats sequentially.

Using this method, different ways of reconciling our differences have come to both of us. The most meaningful way was when we used non-violent communication to listen to each others feelings and needs. We created a space of real empathy where we could feel whatever the other was feeling. Sitting in the presence of just listening is like stopping the world and getting off (to borrow the name of a Broadway show). It’s only at that frequency that differences dissolve and you truly love another as yourself. Your heart expands to encompass every aspect of the human condition which you very much share.

Action that emerges out of that space will be healing, no matter what it is. And sometimes the process has to continue for a while because, whatever the issue is, it still needs to be dealt with more fully.

So, that’s why my Valentine’s Day biodegradable trash bag gift bought tears of joy to my life: Larry loved me so much that he wanted to make me happy. It didn’t matter that the bags cost .50 cents a piece (which he informed me of later): his love for me is helping me meet my need to save the planet.

There are many, many people on the planet who are still complacent about how rapidly the world is changing. An article published in January about the the results of the lastest by NOAA carries the headline “Scientists say that climate change is largely irreversible.”

As I thought about Larry’s act of Love, I thought about the movie WALL-E which I watched along with my Environmental Psychology class. WALL-E depicts a world without any people because over consumption created a toxic planet. In other words, humans literally trashed the planet. Without giving the plot away, what saves the planet, and the human race, is Love.

Caring about the needs of the one you love isn’t only good for the quality of your relationship, but it may also save the planet.

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky