I just got through watching another episode of The Medium The daily trials of a working wife and mom are exacerbated by the mom’s psychic powers. Not only does she have to contend with sibling rivalry, but she also had to contend with the ghosts of dead people haunting her dreams.

One of the things I like about the show is that it couples the “woowooness” of psychic phenomena with the problems of every day family life. The kids get sick, try drugs, and need costumes for the school play. All those issues need resolving, just the way the mom’s murder cases need resolving. In other words, psychic phenomena are treated seriously, and it’s also an ordinary part of life. On the show, Allison’s kids are portrayed as psychic.

But the fact that the show treats psychic phenomena – more or less – as normal is not my favorite part of the show. My favorite part of the show is the way it depicts unconditional love. The husband and wife characters, Joe and Allison, genuinely love each other and their family. They fight, they get frightened, they get upset with the kids, but they always make up. They have an ideal marriage. After 17 or 18 years, they are still into each other sexually. They listen to each other’s problems. They work on resolving issues together, as a unit. Theirs is the kind of “happily ever after relationship” that fairy tales describe.

So are Allison and Joe’s characters unrealistic? Are they nothing more than a 21st century version of The Donna Reed Show?

Looking back at shows like the Donna Reed show, it seems that family life was perfect. They all looked perfect: hair perfectly waved, suit and tie always on, crisply ironed flair skirted dresses. And, of course, the spouses never had sex with each other. The characters on the medium are far from today’s “Brangelina” version of perfection. The characters in the medium are far from being physically perfect. Also, The Medium is not afraid to display sexuality, and the family problems seem much more intense (but maybe every generation thinks that it’s problems are more intense than the last generation), what unites the The Donna Reed Show and The Medium is the idea of unconditional love.

The The Medium episode I watched today also portrayed unconditional love in another way. The detective and the Dputy Mayor he was sleeping with are pregnant. In the story line, he’s conflicted about the baby. He has a perpetual scowl, and he slams things on the table and walks out the door unexpectedly. The guy’s angry. The pregnant D.M., not to sound too judgmental, blows up like a beached whale. I’m serious. When I see her character I think I’m watching Reality TV. In my cynical mind, I could argue that the detective’s scowl is a response to her weight gain. (LOL, God I sound judgmental). It just amazes me that the TV that loves everyone and everything to be glamorous isn’t “cosmeticizing” her up in some way. And the fairy tale story line had Lee (det.) grapple with his inner demon of fear of fatherhood and opens his heart completely to Lynn (D.M.). I cried. OMG he loved her unconditionally, fatness and all. Of course, it could be read that, in his mind, fatness was never an issue.

Is “the Detective knocks up D.M. and they live happily ever after story” a fairly tale? Is "happily ever after" even possible? *

My answer is yes and no. Happily ever after is possible if you’re willing to learn all the lessons that committing to loving unconditionally brings. Happily ever after isn’t possible unless are willing to confront the inner demons that keep you from loving unconditionally.

How do you learn the lessons of loving unconditionally? It’s a process. It requires patience, willingness, trust, and openness, among other things. But mostly, as my husband says, you have to be interested. By being interested he means that you get to explore the world through another’s eyes and as a result your vision expands. The fictional Joe and Allison of The Medium are genuinely interested in one another. Joseph Campbell calls marriage a great adventure because you are exploring unknown territory. In a relationship, you’re not really in control. In a real relationship, the relationship is in control because it will follow the course of your purpose for it.

You can limit your relationships to serve your own ends, or you can dare to let go of control and allow the relationship to encompass you both in the light of unconditional love. The choice is yours. Who knows? You may even become psychic.

*Note: In the interest of full disclosure, it turns out that the actress who plays the D.M. married the show’s creator and executive producer in 2005. That fact explains why the character is still on the show, but it doesn’t explain why she isn’t being glamorized.

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2009 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky